When she disappears, she plans on erasing him from her mind. It’s too much trouble. He is too much trouble. He doesn’t even have to do much. He doesn’t even have to say anything. He can just look at her, or breathe, or exist and he causes her a whole lot of trouble. Her mind is always on him, him, him and she just can’t think straight. When she’s off traveling the world, acting like some great explorer, she stops in all of the major cities. She can’t look any boy in the eye, not if he has dark hair and pale skin. Not if he seems to have some stupid confidence radiating from him that she just can’t understand. It makes her shiver, shudder. It makes her think crazy things and, once, she thinks she sees him in Tokyo, but she laughs it off and runs in the other direction. Secretly, she hopes it was him, but another part of her hopes that it isn’t.

Any word from him would send her running back. Any news about him would send her fumbling for words and her thoughts would jumbled and she’d be troubled and she would feel so lost. Merlin, sometimes she hates him. Just for what he’s done to her. It makes her mad when she’s clicking away with this crap camera and trying to make memories and then suddenly, she starts wondering how he feels about her being gone. What does it matter? Did she ever matter? It’s maddening and she doesn’t want to deal with that. She doesn’t linger in Paris. She can’t stay too long in Moscow. Shanghai doesn’t feel like home. New York City is too busy, too crowded. There isn’t a city that she can stay in for too long. She gets anxious. She gets paranoid. Part of her is afraid of him somehow finding her. She knows that, if he did find her, she’d find herself home again, unable to leave again.

And then she gets a letter, a message. His name is mentioned once - just once. It’s not some big announcement and it’s nothing terrible. But his name causes images to form and memories to flood her mind and she. Just. Can’t. Stop. Thinking. About. Him.

Her bags were never unpacked. She never planned on staying away for too long. She couldn’t, she can’t. It would have made her a coward and she’s so, so sick of being cowardly. But she ends up at his door somehow. Hair tangled, make-up wrecked. She’s not dirty, just disheveled. Her clothes are wrinkled and her eyes are so wide and afraid. Her hands are shaking and her bags are scattered around her feet. She leans against the door frame, weary and wary. She breathes so heavily, someone might have thought she ran a marathon. Her heart beats so quickly, it might have been somewhat worrying. She’s on the verge of screaming or crying - maybe both. But, when he opens the door, she can’t think about anything other than if he missed her.

“Hi,” she laughs airily. “Missed me?”

“Hey -“

“I missed you. A lot. I don’t know why I left. Well, no, I do know why but I don’t want to say that right now. There’s a lot of things I want to say right now but I don’t know where to start! I could tell you everything, but… but it’s kind of silly. Silliness and nonsense and stupid, stupid things that I’ve done, but nothing awful, really. Nothing I really, really regret aside from leaving but it was so much fun while it lasted. I don’t know if I’ll ever, um, do that again.” She grins, pulling herself off of the door frame and throwing her arms around him. He’s so much taller than her, it makes her giggle. It feels like home. She feels so… well, not exactly safe, but it feels right as if she’s meant to be there. She’s a mess and he’s probably horrified to see her in such a state, but she doesn’t care. Then, without thinking, she kisses him and starts nudging him into his flat. She’ll get her bags later. If her things are stolen - well, she doesn’t mind too much. She’s not quite thinking straight.

That’s alright, though. She laughs and humming a tune that she heard sometime during her travels but she doesn’t remember where or when.

“Tell me what I missed,” she pleads in that same old whimsical voice of hers. “And then I’ll tell you some stories because I’ve got lots.” Her eyes shine and she smirks as she crawls back into his bed and pulls him down with her. She’s not asking for anything other than time to talk to him and lay down with him and just be with him. She’s not asking for much. All she wants to know is that he missed her.